took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
