Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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