I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
