this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
