I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
