Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
