No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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