He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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