hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
