Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
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So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
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Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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