This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
