Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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