She is in my trunk
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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