party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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