There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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