fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize