I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
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I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
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We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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