So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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