I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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