i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
