Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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