and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
