DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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