Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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