I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
