Your dad touched me again.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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