cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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