I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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