LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
