I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
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She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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