Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
