Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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