I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
