I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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