You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
