i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
