i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I have post one night stand depression
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
