I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
they need to just BURY HIM!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
