similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
