just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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