At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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