You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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