I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
