I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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