you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
