When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
