you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
