fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
