I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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