I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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