First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
