My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
