I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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