How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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