Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire