yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.