3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.