He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
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I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
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I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro