I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
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JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
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Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.