Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors

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  (513): I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors http://tfl.nu/2p2o
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.

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  (405): The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it. (405): And before you ask they are unrelated purchases. http://tfl.nu/nz1r
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  (972): View more from Texas

  The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?

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  (972): The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid? http://tfl.nu/xjdi
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries

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  (703): I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries http://tfl.nu/pohi
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me

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  (203): I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me http://tfl.nu/osg9
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning

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  (504): You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning http://tfl.nu/qlbe
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!

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  (317): My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA! http://tfl.nu/e6nv
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.

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  (973): i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones. http://tfl.nu/f4fy
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  (561): View more from Florida

  i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.

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  (561): i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it. http://tfl.nu/80hm
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  (516): View more from New York

  That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it

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  (516): That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it http://tfl.nu/ocmo
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  (760): View more from California

  I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"

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  (760): I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND" http://tfl.nu/svwt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?

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  (207): Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this? http://tfl.nu/g5cp
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago

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  (908): i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago http://tfl.nu/q8gp
  Replies (4) Good night (284) Bad night (494)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS

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  (570): OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS http://tfl.nu/smac
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.

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  (517): passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night. http://tfl.nu/smsc
  Replies (5) Good night (225) Bad night (536)

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