dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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