You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
