I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
