I just threw up on my dentist
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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